


Loosing the Knots

by dramady, jeck



Category: Hunger Games (2012), Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-30
Updated: 2012-03-30
Packaged: 2017-11-02 18:36:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/372080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dramady/pseuds/dramady, https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeck/pseuds/jeck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Summary:  In the quiet after the revolution, Katniss and Peeta find meaning in expected but surprising ways.</p><p>A/N: Post The Hunger Games and Catching Fire; takes place very close to the end of Mockingjay. Based on the prompt "I don't want to forget" from the girl on fire ficathon (title is spelled correctly: Loosing, rather than Loosening)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Loosing the Knots

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: These characters belong to Suzanne Collins. No harm is intended and no profit made.

The war was over. She was back in District 12, back at the Victor's Village in a house too big, too quiet, too lonely. A place where she spent so much time that days became nights became days again. She had locked herself in, windows closed, curtains drawn, dark and stifling - just like how Katniss felt deep inside.

Then Peeta showed up planting primroses at the side of the house. Suddenly, Katniss realized, there was an outside, there was the sun and light. And primroses growing at the side of her house. 

But everywhere she went were the stark reminders of what once was, what was lost, and what couldn't be found again. The pain that went with it was searing, knocking her breath out of her lungs, making her wish for nothing but to forget.

There were days when she'd sit outside on the log in the meadow, the breeze blowing, the mockingjays singing a tune Katniss wish she knew. Now and again she'd whistle Rue's four note song, the one that meant it was good and safe. But would it ever really feel good and safe again?

Some days Peeta would find her, she wasn't sure how he'd know where to look but he'd be there, hands laden with freshly baked bread. Katniss would let him sit with her and share the silence. They had enough noise in their heads already.

Today was a particularly bad day. She woke up with nightmares, sweat-soaked, eyes wide with terror. She still felt like she was shaking from the inside when Greasy Sae told her there was lunch and that she was going back to town.

Idle moments passed that she was sitting there, staring at nothing before getting up and picking up the phone. She dialed a number, unaware she knew it by heart. It was Peeta and it was the very first time that she went to him.

"Katniss," he said when she answered. Who else would it be after all? "Are you all right?"

She couldn't speak. Not right away, breathing in, breathing out, and then softly saying, "come over for lunch?" Her brows narrowed, not sure why she invited. She only really wanted to hear his voice.

There was a pause, then Peeta said, "okay." And he was there with a basket of warm rolls. He held it in front of himself with a small smile.

Peeta looked good. Better. Katniss wondered why she didn't notice until now. She gave him a small smile back and let him in, pointing to the kitchen. "Don't ask me what meat Greasy Sae used but it smells delicious."

"I think it's better if we don't know," he told her. He set the bread on the table, his hands steady, his limp as diminished as it was going to be. His eyes followed her and he asked, "nightmares?"

Katniss looked away, scowling, but then very slowly she nodded her head while taking in a shaky breath. "I'm okay." Which was the standard answer.

"I know."

When they both had bowls of steaming stew in front of them, Peeta pushed the rolls in front of Katniss, waiting for her to take one, before he did. Then he ripped his, dragging it through the bowl and taking a bite. "It's good."

Feeling suddenly self-conscious, tucking her hair behind her ear and belatedly glad that she took that shower to scrub what she thought was the smell of blood and roses that came with her nightmare, Katniss did the same thing with a piece of bread. She then paused to look at Peeta asking him, "have you had nightmares?"

Eyes on his soup, Peeta shrugged a little. "The only time I didn't was when we were sleeping together. It's why I still paint." Even though they both knew it didn't help.

Katniss looked right at Peeta, her head tipping slightly to the side as if regarding him for a moment. "Me too." She gave a small, crooked smile that disappeared quickly. "I try to hunt sometimes …" She shrugged, because that didn't help much at all.

"I bet Greasy Sae loves it when you bring something back," he told her, smiling, too. "What have you found? You could always go after Haymitch's geese."

She laughed despite herself. Looking down at the bowl and feeling her cheeks heat for some reason. It sounded odd but at the same time it felt good to laugh. "He doesn't take care of them anyway. I think they'll be great roasted." She looked back at Peeta, still smiling. "Have you seen him lately?"

"This morning. I took him some bread, gave the geese some stale bread." With a small smile, Peeta said, "he's Haymitch."

Chewing, she nodded. They really couldn't expect Haymitch to be any different than who he was. "How much do you paint now? Have you," and she hesitated, remembering what he used to paint after their first games. "...done a lot?"

There was a moment and she could see him struggle with how to answer, finally saying, "most days, I do." He looked up to meet her gaze. "I keep waiting for it to be on the canvas and not in my head. But that never happens."

Katniss frowned, her eyes darting to his hand to see if they shook, still. "I get nights where I think they're real." Most nights. Every night. "That I wake up expecting it all to happen again." She felt tired, worn. "It won't go away."

Reaching across the table, Peeta held out a hand for her to take. "I guess it's not about it going away. It's more about concentrating on the good things. Figuring out what is good and not just … focusing on the bad stuff."

"That's not easy when I'm reminded every night about what's not good." Katniss looked at his offered hand, hesitating before slipping hers in his. What she didn't expect was the sudden feeling of comfort she received from such a simple gesture. "...and I can't paint it away."

"And I can't hunt it away, either," Peeta said, gently. "We can't make it go away." But he squeezed Katniss's hand. "We live with it, though. We go on. Like … I remember the cave, when you kissed me."

She was pretending then. But then Katniss thought about it. No. No, she wasn't. That was the kiss that made her feel a stirring. The one where she felt like she wanted another.

There was a slight smile, then she nodded. "I remember, too." Katniss laced her fingers with his, slowly. "Do you remember that day on the roof?"

"Our 'day off'?" Peeta smiled more widely, nodding. "That was a great day." He paused and then added, "I bet I could still tie all those knots in your hair."

Katniss narrowed her eyes at him but then they flicked between Peeta's hands then his face. "Do you think so?" Because she remembered thinking it wasn't knots but an excuse for Peeta to run his fingers through her hair. It made her smile.

"Maybe? I don't know. I guess we could find out, if you wanted."

Their soup was growing cold between them.

"Like a picnic?" Katniss couldn't hide how the suggestion seemed to interest her. Her lips whirled in a very small smile. "You and me?"

"Just you and me," he promised. "But not now, since … " he gestured to the food. They were already eating. "Tomorrow? If the weather's good?"

She looked at Peeta for a moment, considering if she was ready to let him in again. To take that step. But then part of Katniss wanted him to be part of her life. A lot of it had to do with how much she missed Peeta.

"Okay," Katniss smiled. "I'll allow it." A similar statement she'd said then, wondering if he would remember. His smile warmed and his cheeks pinked.

The next day, the sun rose high in the sky, bright and clear. They could spread a blanket out in the lawn in front of Katniss's house. There were rolls, dried meat, even some goat cheese and water. Peeta sat on the blanket, his leg stretched out. "Not quite the same view," he said, smiling.

"Not the same view," Katniss agreed, sitting next to him with her legs crossed. "Better," she smiled, because they were here, not at the Capitol. It was quiet, they were almost secluded with only the infrequent honking of geese in the distance.

She pulled bread from the basket, breaking it in half, smelling it deeply before handing half to Peeta. "I love the smell of bread."

"Me too," Peeta told her, chuckling a little bit. He put the roll to his nose, inhaling, before taking a bite. "And cinnamon. Or the smell of cinnamon, nutmeg and allspice. Fall cookies."

Katniss closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. "I can almost smell them." She blinked them open slowly, meeting Peeta's, smiling. "I can almost taste them." She licked around her lips.

"I'll make you some." Another bite and Peeta asked, grinning. "Think Greasy Sae can make that stew you like so much?"

She almost smacked her lips together just thinking about it. "Lamb and plum stew," Katniss told him. "I don't think we can get lamb but wouldn't that be delicious?" She picked at the bread, looking down, smiling. "I know what you're trying to do, Peeta."

"What am I trying to do?" he asked, picking up a piece of dried meat, taking a tugging bite. But his eyes were warm on her face.

She slowly inched closer that her shoulders pressed with his. "You're making me think of food I like so I eat more. You've been talking to Greasy Sae." Then she took a bigger bite of her bread. It was so fresh, so good, that it practically melted in her mouth.

"You caught me." But after another bite, Peeta said, "I hadn't really. But if it makes you eat more, then I'm glad. You could put on some weight. You're skin and bones," he teased.

It wasn't really what Katniss wanted to say but she knew he was reminding her of the good memories amongst the bad. The ones with Peeta in them. She stuck her tongue out at him then smiled before taking another bite of bread, feeling suddenly more comfortable in Peeta's presence.

"Would you show me your paintings?" Katniss asked after a while. 

"If you want me to, sure. But … " Peeta said with another shrug. "That's not a happy thing …. This is supposed to be a happy day, Katniss."

"Is it?" She asked softly, glancing over at Peeta then nodding slowly. "Then what other happy thing do we do?" Katniss grinned a bit wider. "Tie knots?"

"Well, that's one thing. But you have to come closer," Peeta told her, smiling. "And let me undo your braid."

Katniss just stared at Peeta for a moment, scanning his face, looking in his eyes and those blond lashes again. "Okay," she agreed, and then she crawled over to him, sitting between his parted legs, her back to him, offering her braid. She looked over her shoulder, smiling softly, "go on …"

His hands were gentle, pulling the tie from her hair then undoing the plaits. When her hair fell around her shoulders, he combed through it.

He scooted forward until her back was against his chest. Then, his arms around her shoulders, he took a lock of her hair so they could both see as he started to make one of the knots they'd learned for the Quell, slowly and carefully.

Eventually, Katniss was relaxed enough that she was leaning against Peeta's chest and thinking how much she'd missed feeling him close like this. She also liked feeling his fingers through her hair.

After a while she turned slowly, her hand on his thigh, her face close to his and she was smiling; a teasing one. "These are knots you can untie right?"

"Oh," he said, chuckling. "You didn't tell me you wanted me to undo them, Katniss." But he undid one and started another.

She laughed, too, softly, before turning back around. Katniss let him do a few more before she reached behind her and caught his hand. She had to twist to better face Peeta. "Your hands aren't shaking," she said, almost whispering it.

There was a moment before he responded. "I hadn't even thought of it." He held both hands out and they were steady. But close up, he smiled at her. "It's a good day."

She took both of Peeta's hands, cradling them in her palms, looking at his fingers, touching the tips gently. It was then that Katniss realized, that uneasy feeling she'd had that tightened her chest since she woke up in that nightmare, it was gone, too.

Katniss looked up and caught Peeta's gaze. "It is a good day," she agreed, smiling, that dimple near the corner of her lips showing.

"I could live in this moment forever," he told her in a whisper, eyes moving over her face like a caress.

"Peeta …" Katniss looked down at where she was still holding his hands. She could feel the heat rising to her cheeks, because Peeta still had a way with words that always came unexpectedly. But then Katniss looked back up, peering at him from under her lashes, the loose wisps of her hair blowing with the soft breeze.

Katniss didn't know who moved first, if she pulled him forward by his hands or if Peeta closed the distance.

But they were kissing.

It was the first kiss they'd shared again in a very long time.

Peeta's cheeks were pink when he pulled back, but he was smiling, a hand in her hair, his thumb tracing circles on her cheek, the other arm around her waist.

She smiled back, looking away briefly, biting her bottom lip as if trying to stifle how Peeta's lips felt against hers again. Katniss leaned against his chest, whispering, "...a good day," she said again.

"There are bad things, but there are good things too, Katniss," Peeta told her quietly. "I don't want to forget any of the bad because I might forget some of the good."

And that was exactly what Peeta was showing her today; that they shouldn't forget because she almost did. Katniss touched his cheek and nodded her head. She understood that now.

That night, she invited Peeta back into her bed and they both slept, Katniss's head on Peeta's shoulder. And when they woke up, Peeta smiled down at her. "No nightmares."

Katniss tipped her head back, a hand on Peeta's chest, feeling his heart beating when she murmured, "no nightmares." She smiled. "You?"

"I have you," he told her. There were no nightmares, she knew, when he knew he hadn't lost her. "Cheesebuns?"

She laughed, she couldn't help it. "Okay. Cheesebuns." But Katniss didn't let Peeta go just yet. She brushed a light kiss to his cheek and then she held on to him, thinking, now, they had the good and the bad, but more than that, they had each other.


End file.
